Several months ago, Mother’s Day weekend to be exact, I went to the mall to purchase a mother’s day gift for myself. I had recently lost the big pearl ring I had been wearing on my left ring finger. Yeah, it’s the marriage ring finger, and for that reason, I’d always worn a ring that was obviously not a wedding ring. I somehow felt that I didn’t have the right, as a single woman, to wear a diamond ring on that finger; I thought it would be a deceitful thing to do. So, as I said, I was in Macy’s, trying on rings and looking at jewelry. I then went to look at purses, my favorite thing, and selected a bag. I went back to a pretty ring I’d noticed. It resembled a wedding ring. I bought it anyway.
And I started wearing it… on my left ring finger. Here’s what happened:
- People were nicer to me. It seemed that people, women and men, went out of their way to hold doors for me, to accommodate me (in stores, in the airport), and to “take care of me.”
- More men flirted with me. I can only assume that based on the adage that people who are perceived to be taken or “wanted” have more people wanting them. But yes, it happened. Now, I don’t mean that no men ever flirted with me or that men didn’t ever approach me, but during my little experiment, I noticed the percentage increase.
- I acted differently. So, here’s the most telling result. I am not married, but I’m also not single. However, when I put on the ring, I felt good. I did it as an affirmation of my love for myself, of God’s love for me, and that yes, I do belong to someone. I like the idea of being wed to God, the ultimate protector, the ultimate mate, the ultimate love. On a more visceral level, it made me feel special.
What do rings symbolize to those in your world, society? Without investigating any further, without asking you or examining the quality of your relationship, a ring simply says, someone wanted me enough to “put a ring on it.” It says that I am loved and that I am not alone, that someone has my back, and that, in theory, I have a protector.
My epiphany makes me think single women of a certain age should start wearing rings, and yes, on the left hand ring finger, and that they should smile more and feel protected, and feel loved, and feel wanted. Before I get a deluge of pro-single positive woman feedback, let me say that I am the poster of the independent woman. So, don’t come for me! 🙂 But as a woman, and a lady, and a little girl who like many, deep down always thought that I would be married and looked forward to it, I acknowledge that this experiment revealed a lot about society’s views of singleness. What it affirmed for me was that if a man never gets on his knee for me, I know I’m worthy, and I don’t have to wait for validation. Is this something all single women need do to feel special? no. But I say try it, you might be surprised.
Question: Is it wrong to wear a ring if you’re not married? Is it the same as pretending NOT to be married?
One of my mentors, Toni Blackmon (Free, posted this on Facebook just as I found myself stopping to read and respond to every post about Ferguson, MO and Michael Brown. With so many deaths being reported weekly, including Robin Williams, and then the death of a high school classmate, Monday morning I was feeling overwhelmed with work and purpose and my growing “to-do” list. But what I was reminded was that in the need to feel useful, sometimes the best thing we can do is accomplish our goals, finish what we started so that we can move on to the next meaningful step in our success, toward our dreams — fulfill our destiny.
his is not a roll call of the senseless deaths that occurred over the last month or year, the unjust acts that have left numerous, nameless young African American boys in graves. This is not a roll call of the senseless beatings, attacks and abuse suffered by African American girls across the country who have suffered in silence. Our missing children go without a searchlight, without nationwide acknowledgement, without fair treatment. Yet, parents, neighbors, friends, classmates, and families grieve. There’s a poem by Langston Hughes called Democracy that has special meaning to me because I once won an oratorical contest based on my delivery. At the age of 15, however, I did not fully comprehend its meaning, its weight, its implications.
The Wedding Plan 